*Suggestion: If you don't want me to ruin the book for you, please do not read. If you don't mind, please proceed.*
I'm reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. In England, Pip is a poor, orphaned boy living with his older sister and her husband- Mrs. and Mr. Joe Gargery. All his life, he has suffered by Mrs. Joe "bringing him up by hand." After the first time, he went to visit Miss Havisham and her neice Estella at the Manor House, he found himself so "common". I found this one moment of truth with Joe after he returned from the visit very beautiful. He lied about his visit, talking about how extravagent the place is. In fact, it was a place of eeriness and sorrow. By Estella's critisisms, he saw everything in a lower light. Now all he has known is no longer beautiful to him.
I find the fact he thought he was so common meant he wanted to stand out. Just by the fact how hard he is trying to learn as much as possible shows so. It hurts when you feel ordinary. Don't you want to stand out among the crowd? If there is nothing special, what is your worth? Nothing. Do you really want to be nothing? Nobody does. This is the reason why so many people put so many pains into being unique. When you have no worth- no purpose- what do you do? Some people commit suicide.
Do you ever think about suicide? Do you ever wonder why people do it? It is because they see no purpose in the world and their lives. I would be lying if I said I never think about suicide. During the past year, I was going through some emotional trouble and such. I did not see much good in the world and myself. No one ever wanted to be around me really. It seemed like my own friend saw it. Instead of helping me, I had a feeling she wanted to hang out with people more interesting than me. If no one saw anything in me, was I worth nothing? I once talked to my dad about my messy room. Some people think something is a mess, but others call "that mess" art. Did this apply here too? I did not really seem to think so. My opinion was what mattered most. What if I thought the same? I can tell you, I never think of myself in the highest light. This is one of the problems with feeling ordinary. What is your purpose if you are not special?
I said this in the visual art blog post but it's different when someons thinking about suicide and someone actually going to do it. Stress and issues can make people think about the weirdest things including killing themselves. I've thought about killing myself many times but I don't think I would ever do it.
ReplyDeleteSuicide is most often on how a person or people percieves you in a bad way. But, I always keep in mind that I want to impress myself, not others. And to ignore what others think; whether it's "good" or "bad".
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